Caught myself the other day at dinner with friends. Someone was telling a story and I realized - mid-story - that I had no idea what they were talking about. I'd been mentally drafting an email for work. My body was at the table. My brain was already in tomorrow.
This happens constantly. And I hate that it does.
We're never really here
I check my phone without deciding to check my phone. Hand just... reaches for it. Open an app. Close it. Open the same app 30 seconds later. What am I even looking for?
Apparently the average person checks their phone 96 times a day. I believe it. That's basically every 10 minutes while awake.
And it's not just phones. I'm in meetings thinking about other work. With family thinking about meetings. Exercising while listening to podcasts so I'm not really doing either properly.
Half-present everywhere. Fully present nowhere.
The attention economy is winning
Billions of dollars go into making apps that capture and hold your attention. Every notification, every infinite scroll, every autoplay video - engineered by very smart people to keep you engaged.
And it works. Obviously it works. We're all addicted to devices that didn't exist 20 years ago. Our great-grandparents would find this insane.
I'm not saying technology is evil. I write code for a living. But recognizing that these tools are designed to exploit psychological vulnerabilities feels important.
What I'm trying
Nothing revolutionary. Just small things.
Morning coffee without screens. Just the coffee. The quiet. My thoughts without input. This felt unbearable at first. Now it's my favorite 10 minutes of the day.
Walking without headphones sometimes. I used to think this was wasted time. Now I notice things. Weather. My neighborhood. How I'm actually feeling.
Leaving my phone in another room. When I'm working on something important. When I'm with people I care about. Just... not having the option to reach for it.
None of this is groundbreaking. But the bar is so low now that "being in the room you're in" counts as a practice.
The returning, not the staying
I can't maintain focus. Nobody can, really. The brain wanders. That's what brains do.
What I practice is noticing when I've drifted and coming back. Return to the conversation. Return to the work. Return to the breath, or whatever.
The practice isn't never losing focus. It's shortening the gap between losing it and returning.
Something that helps
When I catch myself spiraling or distracted, I try this thing:
3 things I can see. 2 things I can hear. 1 thing I can feel.
Takes maybe 15 seconds. Yanks me back to actual reality instead of whatever story I was telling myself.
Try it now. Seriously.
I don't have this figured out. I still zone out in conversations. Still reach for my phone automatically. Still spend too much time in my head.
But I'm more aware of it now. And awareness is the starting point.
Where's your attention right now? Actually here, reading this? Or already onto the next thing?
(I say this knowing you might be reading on your phone with 12 other tabs open. Same, honestly.)